Saturday, October 15, 2005

i just got home and found a note saying "thanks for the glory" on my door.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

This is a rough draft/outline of my senior thesis. it is the product of a mushroom trip. i knocked it out at three this morning.


Collective Constructivism: A New Way Of Experiencing

Post-structuralist theory is built on a fallacy. This fallacy is the concept of the binary. Post-structuralism holds that there is a mainstream voice and a marginalized voice and that they are in a constant state of upheaval, that the two voices are reactions to each other. The very nomenclature – marginalized and mainstream – implies dominance of one over the other. In other words, post-structuralist theory implies that the mainstream defines what is marginalized and vice versa. This dualism does not exist. Simply because one voice is different from another does not mean it is the opposite. The world is not black and white, there are shades of grey. Yin has a spot of yang, Yang a bit of yin.
Polyphony literally means “many voices.” Mikhail Batkin postulated that there are many voices in any given text, such as individual characters, with the voice of the author being dominant as the author chooses the manner of presentation of those voices and so colors them. The voices may be harmonious, dissonant, or totally independant, but all are subsumed by the voice of the author. The text itself is essentially a presentation of the voice of the author.
Intertextuality is the idea that the manner in which one perceives a work or text is shaped by every other text one has encountered. Edmund Burke called this individual shaping of perception a “terministic screen.” In other words, ones understanding of the works of Plato affects ones understanding of the works of Aristotle, and vice versa.
Intertextuality applied to polyphony yields interesting results. From the moment one is a rational being, one is exposed to a grand clamor of voices – a polyphonic matrix. However, as one continues to be exposed to these voices, each voice shapes our perception of every other voice. Eventually, one only hears what one wants to hear. However, the fact that one chooses to assimilate a certain voice into one’s terministic screen does not affect the voices not assimilated. Those voices are still present in the matrix. Some voices may be more popular than others, but all voices are equally present.
Information is already distributed being distributed in this manner. On watching CNN, one may see on the screen a newscaster, a panel containing facts relevant the story being presented that moment, a breaking news ticker, and a stock ticker and one must process these simultaneously. One may consider the stock ticker completely irrelevant to the story being presented or one may consider the ticker completely relevant. Regardless, the ticker is there.
In the Zen sect of Buddhism, there is the concept of zazen, which literally translates to do-nothing. Zazen consists of meditating until one achieves a state of emptiness. It is in this state, free of pre-conceptions, that one supposedly achieves clarity and sees reality as it truly is. By focusing on nothing, one may see everything. Boxers use a similar technique while fighting. It is considered bad form to watching the opponents face or fists, for by concentrating on one area, the boxer will miss the opponents attack. A feint will not work on a good fighter.
Now, let us apply this to the polyphonic matrix. By giving no voice special consideration, all voices are given equal consideration.
Consider a text in which all voices in the text would be equally “loud” and would not be overwhelmed by the voice of any particular author. The text, so to speak, would be authored by the generators of those voices. The narratives, though parallel, would not necessarily be linear. The art of the text would lie in the choice of which voices to include.
This intertextual, non-focusing mode of experiencing the polyphonic matrix is collective constructivism.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

sick as a dog.
think it's the flu.

school's not going so well. i don't really care though, i just want to get through the quarter so i can have summer.

this summer's going to be the best ever.

so what's been happening in rafe's neck of the woods?

i'll fast forwared to this month. I built a bass. I'm failing school. I've gone to some great shows. been hanging out with my friends. I'm kinda worried about jared cuz he's himself and he just kind of gave up on everything and...well...he's living in his studio and it's hard to get ahold of him. poor guy. he's got some great friends, he needs to do them right.
i got a job. working at subway - oh yeah. $6 an hour, but hey, it's possibly the lowest-stress job i've ever had.

nancy, jody, dave, and i are moving into an apartment near campus. round about august. i'm thrilled. and a little terrified. but mostly thrilled.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

so today as i was getting into my car after work i saw a 30 year old non-skinny dude with long long blonde hair wearing a Save-A-Lot uniform take a running start and jump onto a cart sending it (and himself) sailing across the parking lot whereupon he spread his arms (just like he was nailed to a cross) and then he shouted "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!"

fin

Sunday, April 17, 2005

24 Hour Party People
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Katie Koga! Holy Shit!

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Joey being sixteen.

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Lex Being Fabulous

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Zan. Her libido is powered by Heineken

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Lara hard at partying

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Tom on drugs

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Vinnie not on drugs

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Jason never saw it coming

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Brad and Andi being adorable. Awww. Can I get a goddamn?

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Ellie then said something sardonic

Monday, February 21, 2005

FREAK POWER.

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

CHICAGO






ST. LOUIS





and a blast from the past:


mohawk in dec. 03!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

my skin against hers copper on olive my arms stretched tense and muscle against her warm soft roundness cause I am a little boy and somewhat afraid of being alone and I don’t know how to deal with it so here I am my skin against hers, my arm stretched around her with my hand in the small of her back cause that’s her favorite place for me to put my hand and cause I like her to be happy and the other is around the nape of her neck the hairs prickly against the palm of my hand my lips are pressed against her neck and her mouth is opened in that little downward curl that she makes with the corners of her lips and it means her eyes are closed and she’s enjoying it and my skin against hers my body doesn’t belong just to me anymore it’s something that is held against her and in her and she she she is everything to me there is nothing else in the world at this moment she is the bed I will cling to when I die the woman I want to be an old man with the girl that I want to call mine and I want her to call me hers and for it to be true and real and beautiful just like her, just like the music I hear in my head but can’t ever figure out how to make just like the feeling I get when she’s crying because I’ve broken her heart just like being a boy and free. Goddamn if I don’t want to be everything for her and that’s because she is everything for me. She closes around me her heels press against my back her nails dig into my skin against hers and the sweat from my body from her body it sticks our skin together where it touches I remember hot summer days on the bed and she was on top of me with that look of ferocious dedication and all I wanted after all was to hold and be held and today I realized that all a man can hope for is to be missed when he’s gone, all a man can be is what he tries to be and to her I tried to be everything and guess what I failed. I failed. I failed. I don’t know that yet though and so she is pulling me to her into her against her skin is against mine my life in her hands my heart in her hands my head filled with her and her eyes that make me cry when I remember this because she means it and I’m letting her down because emptiness loneliness is such a drag so’s getting old and when I get old I want her to be around but I’m not sure if it’s for all the right reasons and me, what do I know I’m just a very scared confused lost proud boy who can’t find his way and I won’t admit it, why won’t I? because I’m ridiculous and what have I learned? That it’s not always good to give people what they want, that you must want, not need, that sometimes…sometimes….you should never let go of what you have.

Saturday, January 8, 2005