my skin against hers copper on olive my arms stretched tense and muscle against her warm soft roundness cause I am a little boy and somewhat afraid of being alone and I don’t know how to deal with it so here I am my skin against hers, my arm stretched around her with my hand in the small of her back cause that’s her favorite place for me to put my hand and cause I like her to be happy and the other is around the nape of her neck the hairs prickly against the palm of my hand my lips are pressed against her neck and her mouth is opened in that little downward curl that she makes with the corners of her lips and it means her eyes are closed and she’s enjoying it and my skin against hers my body doesn’t belong just to me anymore it’s something that is held against her and in her and she she she is everything to me there is nothing else in the world at this moment she is the bed I will cling to when I die the woman I want to be an old man with the girl that I want to call mine and I want her to call me hers and for it to be true and real and beautiful just like her, just like the music I hear in my head but can’t ever figure out how to make just like the feeling I get when she’s crying because I’ve broken her heart just like being a boy and free. Goddamn if I don’t want to be everything for her and that’s because she is everything for me. She closes around me her heels press against my back her nails dig into my skin against hers and the sweat from my body from her body it sticks our skin together where it touches I remember hot summer days on the bed and she was on top of me with that look of ferocious dedication and all I wanted after all was to hold and be held and today I realized that all a man can hope for is to be missed when he’s gone, all a man can be is what he tries to be and to her I tried to be everything and guess what I failed. I failed. I failed. I don’t know that yet though and so she is pulling me to her into her against her skin is against mine my life in her hands my heart in her hands my head filled with her and her eyes that make me cry when I remember this because she means it and I’m letting her down because emptiness loneliness is such a drag so’s getting old and when I get old I want her to be around but I’m not sure if it’s for all the right reasons and me, what do I know I’m just a very scared confused lost proud boy who can’t find his way and I won’t admit it, why won’t I? because I’m ridiculous and what have I learned? That it’s not always good to give people what they want, that you must want, not need, that sometimes…sometimes….you should never let go of what you have.