spent the last week ignoring compass spin. i didn't fuck up (though i did come quite near). starting to wonder if it's really worth it. i really just want to find my musical soul mate, know-whadda-mean? i'm tired of the dictum "if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself." being true. i want to be able to count on someone else.

i've been listening to tales of young girls getting thrown out of trucks by spirits dressed all in white in the middle of the jungle and then refusing to wear clothes ever again, of running away from machete wielding guerrillas and goverment soldiers, lining up in a valley to kill each other, of a woman who delivered every baby born in the village for the last forty years.

the things we do for money.
the things we do for what we love.

i went to go see hilly d.j. the other night. made me realize how stultifying cincinnati is. so many good things, so many beautiful things going to waste. i really don't know if i can stay any longer. i feel right now like i'm watching my good chi, my resources (physical and mental), just dwindle away, just disappear. there's nothing that's keeping me from saving it; it is being wasted through inaction. that's what gets me.

i'm so tired.