spent yesterday with nancy. good times. i rode my bike to her place, and we watched movies and cooked. went to sitwells, and then home. she met my family i think she and olivia are in love with each other. it´s great.



i gotta get ready for the outdoors. the reason i rode my bike was cause the old ford bit the bullet and went down last night. dad and i are gonna try to go fix it. joy.



julie´s show is tonight, i´m gonna try to go. if i have money. oh boy. i´m also looking for a job. before we go fix the car, i´m gonna go over to mr. isfert´s, and see if he can reccomend anyone to me to apprentice to as a carpenter.



oh yeah, turns out the citation, it´s a 5-6 point offense, and that a court appearence is mandatory. this sucks. oh well.



sing me a song, sing me to sleep...

craziness, these last 24 hours. sad is sierra, i don't think this was totally what either of us expected. but i think it's the right thing. think long term, think long term. sad is bekki. i went down to lexington today (on two hours of sleep) to see her and say goodbye. she goes back to school sunday. and i don't think i was doing her (or myself) right by stringing things on like that. it was kinda dick, really. i felt terrible. she and mom (not my mom but Mrs. Dundon, the only other person than my mom i call mom) cut my hawk off. for old times sake. the first night i met bekki, she cut my hair. happy is nancy. things look good. very good. i quit smoking. i finished things off with a cigar this morning on the way to lexington.



i was zoned out thinking about stuff (last night; listening to lou reed's berlin with nancy and sierra, depressed, the parking lot and the heady orange glow, what i was gonna say to bekki) on tates creek in lexington when i realized a cop was behind me (he'd been there for two miles). it freaked me out, and i panicked and pulled into the median. at 75 mph. he yelled at me at first, cause i was a stupid kid, but he was really nice after we calmed down. i got a citation for refusing to yield to an emergency vehicle. he and i tried to push the car out, but failed. i had to get towed out of there, this young guy pulled me out for free. which is cool cause i had not nearly enough money for a tow. i got very muddy.



this morning when i work up at 8 (three hours after dropping nancy off), it was -2 degrees. insane, insane. things need to calm down.

it snowed a whole bunch. as in, a whole, whole bunch. we're talking feet here, in some places. my car got stuck. in someone's yard. i though there was a driveway. so sue me. so that's why i'm spending the night at taylor's. though i hung out at nancy's for a good while. i hope i didn't get on her mom's nerves too much. we made cookies. peanut butter chocolate chip cookies that ruled. oh yeah.



i've gotta work out this whole road thing.



Q:



1) am i going?

2) who with?

3) how long?

4) where the fuck am i going to get the money?



A:



1) Dunno. see four.

2) i really dunno about this one. one with the road, maybe. maybe. i hope not.

3) see four. but i'm guessing about four years.

4) job. drugs are out of the question. morals got in the way. plus, it'd be hard to explain to the parentals how i suddenly have a couple of grand.



as jimi said: "i know what i want but i just don't know how to go about getting it..."



love.

uuh... well...stuff's been going on. y'know how it is. nothing's changing, for the most part.

tonight i hung out with nancy and hit up the chronic. good times. nancy's so sweet. and she looked damned sexy tonight.



since the buzz closed, there's a clique formed at Highlands coffeeshop of buzz expatriates. i went there with sierra a couple of nights ago. she spent the whole time on my lap.



confusion.

in true Hi-Fi tradition (wink wink nod nod coughthisisforyoumegscough), the top five things that my parents don't know but that i should tell them:



5) i smoke cigarettes. although, i'm thinking about smoking cigars. cringe all you want. i enjoy them.



4) the full story of girls in my life. they're totally in the dark about this one. dad perchance would understand. mom, never.



3) mmm. i smoke marijuana. my mom knows that i have in the past, but my dad doesn't . i'm pretty sure he doesn't, anyway. *



2) how exactly much living with them goes against every principle i hold dear. i love them to death, i don't wanna mooch off them at all. yeh yeh, i'm only 18 and they're my parents. but i'm 18. if i'm to be an adult, i should be able to fend for myself. i really resent not having a job. stewie offered me a spot moving into the new house. at a suprisingly affordable rate.



1) my utter aimlessness in life. i mean, the way i try my damndest at whatever i'm doing, but i don't particularly mind one way or another (though i do care). that's something either of them would have a hernia trying to wrap their heads around.



* i'm gonna ask my dad to smoke pot with me sometime. at least after i'm off of probation, and hopefully after i've moved out or whatnot. i'm not sure how he'd react, or how valid this would be.

now playing: Radiohead - the National Anthem



got up at three, someone called. went job hunting. on sunday. bright, i know. however, there's a chance that i may be a pizza delivery tech for papa john's...(snowcrash!) i smoked the last of the 'dro with kim. went to miriam's with patrick.



i reflected some on the past week. you're just another beautiful thing that was destroyed by the way things work.



that which does not crack is ground into dust / the person you fell in love with might not be around anymore / and it's just something you have to come to grips with.



sayonara.