last night i got home at six am. i'd been at brittany's. the snow was still coming down, it was at about two inches - i drove for an hour at 25 down highway fifty. i got home, and made some coffee, and fixed some pancakes. mom and dad woke up, and they ate breakfast with me, and then i went to bed. i slept till about two, and then i don't remember what i did. i think it was laundry. watched "the pianist." quite enjoyable.



tomorrow, or rather, later today, i'm going to st. louis with nikki. not that nikki. the other nikki. yeah. day trip. it's gonna be fun.



sometimes i get the feeling that i'm not *cough* spinning my wheels, it's just that...i don't know. d'you remember how in "the graduate," benjamin braddock is talking to his parents, and he says that that year is his year to drift? this is my period of drifting, just aimlessness. i'm supposing i'm resigned to it, and so am trying to enjoy it. but there's a part of me that doesn't like it, i've never been one for standing still. i'd like to just cut out completely, but it'd hurt mom and dad too much. oh well... heh. i just remembered, ania's got my copy of the Graduate. i went looking for the exact quote in the book, couldn't find the book.



snow makes me want to smoke. and to not be alone. it's not even sexual frustration, that loneliness. couple nights ago i was between laurie's legs and i forgot what to do, my instinct was to hold, not hump. and i've quit girls, anyway. resignation in more than one way.



miss you all.